can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
why do cheetos always look like penises
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
