oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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