my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
