The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My feet surprised me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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