so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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