It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
