the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
