mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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