just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
