the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
