...so i touched it.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
