Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
