Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
