I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
