Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
