I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
