No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I am midnight drunk by noon
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
