I wish I only lived at night.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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