you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
