We're facebook friends in real life
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
