i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
