One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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