i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
