Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
