i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
