walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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