A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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