I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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