She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
