man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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