Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
