I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
