so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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