having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He? As in you personified your dick?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
