Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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