Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
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so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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