Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
