Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
