i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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