and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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