I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You should frame my arrest warrant.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
