lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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