i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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