On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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