i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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