Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
