I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
