Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
