I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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