did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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