You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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