I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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