i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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