Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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