Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
