I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
