She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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