my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
thus making me awesome and them whores
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
