So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize