lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
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You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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