Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
