There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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