she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
