hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
