All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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