Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
