You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
