Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
