you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
