Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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