Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
