I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
